I’ve been running from, and fighting against, and resisting the inevitable change that is about to happen in my life, and I think I’ve finally reached the point where I have no more energy to run, I have no more fight left in me, and I’m too exhausted to put up any more resistance. I think I’ve finally reached the point of surrender.
For the past few months, I’ve been thinking of ways that my new environment will compare to my old one. I’ve been trying to point out similarities between the two, which really are nothing alike, and convince myself that everything will be all right because it’s not going to be that much different.
I’ve been lying to myself. Of course it will be different.
And I sincerely hope that I will embrace this opportunity for what it is – something I’ve always wanted: a chance to start fresh.
I’ve enjoyed San Diego very much for all of the experiences I’ve had, memories I’ve made, and people who I will hold on to. I came here a small child and I’m leaving a woman. I’m also gaining things I don’t get to have in staying – I have to give up quite a bit, but I’ve tipped the scales in both directions countless times over the past eight months, and no matter how I stack the options, everything comes down in favor of this move.
In six months, I will probably look back on this transition from a calmer place and be okay. For now, I’m giving in to the flood of goodbyes and new beginnings that are flying at me at record speed. It’s all hitting me piece by piece. I will be glad when the flood is over.