Heartbeats

Whenever I encounter something that makes me scared or nervous, my heart pounds out of my chest. I’m sure it’s not as easily detectable as I think – in my mind I picture my heart actually pulsing to break free from my chest, a lot like those cartoons we used to watch as kids. Despite this, it’s a huge phenomenon for me when it happens. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, I’m short of breath, and my adrenaline level starts to spike. In the past 30 days, I’ve experienced this feeling five times…

The first came when one of my closest friends asked me if I would compose some music he could use for a project. Who, me? You want to use MY music? That music I don’t dare ever play for anyone else because I’m convinced it sucks?

The next came on December 20, 2015 when I performed in my first pole showcase ever. I knew my dance, I knew my music, I knew my venue…but I didn’t know if I could do it.

The third instance was when it came time to actually give the music I had composed to my aforementioned friend who asked for it. I cringed sending him those samples…

Next, was my first ever Cize class at AvMed on January 6, 2016.

Finally, was my second ever Cize class at Super Saturday on January 9, 2016.

The outcomes?

 

I composed two samples for my friend to choose from and he loved both and will be using them for his project (you’ll hear more about that later).

The showcase was performed twice, back to back on December 20th, and feedback I received was that I looked smooth, strong, and happy. I wrote it down as a win after I nailed my Gemini twice, didn’t knock the chair over, didn’t fall off the pole during inverts, and remembered the moves.

The women at AvMed loved my Cize class enough to want to take a sweaty selfie afterwards.

My upline and spirit animal approached me after Super Saturday and told me to stop worrying about whether or not I could teach Cize because what she saw in me looked professional, energetic, and coordinated.

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Some of the Super Saturday attendees after our Cize workout together. They all said they had a blast. 🙂

The worrying and visualizing of worst-case scenarios was futile. I don’t write these things to brag, but instead to point out what happens when you dare to step outside of your comfort zone and keep on daring to take steps after that. We don’t change by staying the same, ever. We don’t reach our goals by standing still. We also never know what we can and will become unless we make move towards what could be.

After I observed that these heart-pounding moments seemed to be happening more often for me, I told my husband. To my pleasant surprise, his response was this:

“If you’re experiencing those moments that make you nervous more often, that’s a sign that you’re changing for the better. You’re challenging yourself, which is exactly what you said you wanted to do.”

When did my husband turn into a sage? Better yet, when did I decide to make the area outside of my comfort zone my norm?

I can’t pinpoint the exact defining moment, but I do know that in order to have things I’ve never had before, I have to keep doing things I’ve never done before.

 

2016, I hope you’re ready…

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