I dreamt of my maternal grandmother last night. This is a big deal because as I’ve mentioned before on this blog, she passed away when I was very young and left a decent-sized hole in our family when she left. Because she left so long ago, it’s hard for me to keep her face in my memory, so I will often look at pictures once or twice a month just to keep hers and my grandfather’s faces fresh in my mind. Their faces, the way they both walked, the way they dressed…all were very vivid in this dream.
My mom and I got access to a time machine (quit laughing, I said it was a dream) that allowed us to go back and retrieve anyone we wanted to and bring them to the present. We resolved to jump back to 1990 – the year before she died – and bring her and my grandfather to the present. In order to not upset their psyches too much, we did what we could to make our 2016 world seem as much like 1990 as we could, like covering up flat screen TVs, hiding cell phones, etc. Ultimately, we brought my grandparents from the 90s to 2016 successfully.
My grandmother asked about some of her sons who have passed on, and we were able to deflect her questions by explaining that we’re in Florida now, and they’re back in California. We didn’t want to hurt her by telling her that some of her children died young. We were also pretty invested in keeping up the 1990 façade, meaning they would’ve still been alive. Aside from some of her questioning, she settled in for a comforting visit with all of us. (Come to think of it, she never once questioned how I was suddenly an adult, even though in 1990 I would’ve only been six…)
Side note: Many reading this may not realize how monumental this is to me, and that’s okay. To see images of my grandmother standing in my living room was powerful. She was playing with my daughter and gave her a kiss. Now that I think of it, she and my mom were about the same age in this dream; my mom will turn 58 in about a month, making her the same age my grandmother was when she passed away. Funny, nobody seemed to take notice at the time.
She met my husband.
She told me how proud of me she was.
I couldn’t keep things a secret from her any longer and pulled her aside to tell her what we’d done. I told her she died in 1991 and that my mom and I had searched for a way to go back to her ever since. When given the chance to bring her here, we did it. Then, as if my heart was cut open, I told her that life has been hard without her. I told her we couldn’t keep her here forever because it wouldn’t be right, so I asked her to give me any advice she could that I could hold on to.
And then, I woke up. 💔
I sobbed like a baby wishing I could just go back to sleep to finish the dream and have more time with her.
I’m only writing this here so that I don’t lose this memory. I KNOW that God sent her to me to comfort me at a time when work is tough, parenting is tough, life is tough. I have no complaints about my life, but anyone who tells you their life is roses all damn day is a liar. It’s not! And I needed something or someone to give me that push to let me know that no matter how rough circumstances might become, I’m still on the right path and doing what I’m supposed to. I took her message of telling me how proud of me she was to be this. Perhaps when I’m in need of the rest of what she had to say, I’ll dream of her again.
I can’t sit and cry at my laptop all day, so I’m off.
P.S. If any of you knows how I can get my hands on some time machine technology, let me know!! 🙂