I haven’t blogged much about this pregnancy, which is a stark contrast to last time. As mentioned in the previous post, I’ve been having a hard time coming to a place where I could positively contribute to this blog, but I’m starting to find my footing again amid change after change (the only thing constant in my life).
I think that it’s easy to be super excited when it’s your first pregnancy because you don’t have much else distracting you that first time. There are no other children to care for with their own sets of developmental hurdles and obstacles – things all parents face – to distract you. I think that once the nausea wore off last time, it was easy for me to just hobble around through expectant mother bliss because that was really all I had to do aside from my teaching job.
This time is different.
This time, that baby I was so anxiously expecting three years ago is now a toddler. She’s a sweet girl, but she doesn’t care if I’m nauseous, tired, cramping, having back pain, or nursing a headache. She needs attention and patience isn’t really something she’s cultivated yet. Dinners and bath time still have to happen. Her laundry still has to get done. She still wants to talk and play and read stories and go on walks and play at the park. And honestly, why shouldn’t she? She shouldn’t have to miss out just because her parents are welcoming a new sibling for her. This is also the time when I need to acknowledge how immensely helpful my husband has been with picking up what’d normally be my mom duties around the house since we found out about our incoming bean. He jumps in without question when I need him, and has made this pregnancy much more bearable as I try to be a mom to a growing, not-quite-ready-to-be-born human, and an out in the world, growing as a child human. Our teamwork has really shined through this pregnancy.
My excitement has also mounted at a different rate this time around.
I was excited from the moment the lines turned pink when I was expecting Kennedy. Though I had excitement this time at the same event, I sort of reserved my excitement for later. This isn’t to say a second pregnancy isn’t something I wanted. Readers who know me well know that I was unsure if I’d get the chance to welcome another child. Perhaps it took me a while to accept that this time it was really happening.
I also had to give up a lot this time around upon becoming pregnant. I was sick in the first trimester both times, so that wasn’t anything new (though I expected to have an easier time because this was my second pregnancy?!). But after that wore off, I couldn’t resume my routine as it was before getting pregnant. Prior to getting pregnant, I was pole dancing at least once a week, doing high impact workouts 4-5 days a week, and eating a mostly low-carb high-fat diet. The physical activity is out of the question; I do yoga and low impact exercise, but high impact caused me to spot early on in pregnancy and I just didn’t feel like risking anything for my ego. My nutritional needs with this pregnancy have been different than they were before. Last time, hunger would set in as a reminder to eat. This time, if I feel hunger pangs, I better be eating within 20 minutes or I might just pass out. And I can’t just reach for anything, I have to eat a balanced meal of substantial protein (at least 3-4 ounces), fiber, and good carbs like sweet potatoes or brown rice. I don’t digest dairy well, and I can’t do sweets on an empty stomach. (last time, froyo was my DAILY treat) I can’t eat carb-laden meals (they really aren’t meals) anymore without balancing with the other food groups. Otherwise, I get so sick!
My belly also feels like it’s growing faster this time around. I’ve been told this is normal – most women experience showing sooner in pregnancies after their first to-term birth and it may even become more apparent with each child carried if they have more than two.
However, I think this pregnancy looks better on me than the last one. Truth be told, I don’t have very many memories of what I looked like when I carried Kennedy, but I didn’t really feel that beautiful or maternal like most pregnant women report. I feel that a bit this time around.
I’m just over the hump of the halfway mark and can’t wait to welcome this new baby in March. I’ll try to provide more updates here before then. 😄